il.lu.sion (i-loo-zhen) n.
- An erroneous perception of reality.
- An erroneous concept or belief.
- The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief.
- Something, such as a fantastic plan or desire, that causes an erroneous belief or perception -Note: reference dictionary.com
As research at the lab has progressed, I've been responsible for studying another group of students from another district. Although I've purposely avoided divulging identifyable information (or any at all) about our study (to respect the privacy of our participants), we are allowed to talk about it as long as we omit any possible identifiers.
I am feeling much better about grades and academic achievement of this current group. If I were to give a rough estimate of GPAs from this current school to the previous I would say this group is averaging in the 3.1 range whereas the previous would be at the 2.5 range. This is comprised of all the scores and (lowest and hightest) GPAs in that group. Quite distressing, however we must take into consider other factors such as the location of the schools, socioeconomic status, resources, and ethnic make up that may play significant roles into such discrepancies in performance. Based on stereotypes alone, it is easy to assume the composition of each school. Sadly these stereotypes do not exist without warrant.
Well enough of that for now. As a Psych major, I have to deal with thinking about this nearly every day. It makes me sad at times, but in my opinion knowing is better than ignorance. Knowing and learning can help you develop ways to help or fix a situation. Afterall, how can you help or fix something, when you don't even know what it is.
Lately I've been entering into my, once again, depressive states (though not as frequent or severe). It seems to come near the end of the year when everthing is due and all the major hollidays collide. On a collective level, I am very fortunate to say that I've done good with my friends, especially those I haven't seen in months or even years. My family and I have a really cool relationship despite the little things that may plague my social life, and I'm in decent health even though I can afford to lose 5 lbs. I'll just say the extra fat will help me keep warm =P. On a personal note, my life has gotten really weird. I know in my old blog (archived dA entry), I've mentioned how I can never have my cake and eat it too. Yes, at this point, there is always some kind of catch. My life will run so smoothly sans one protruding issue. No matter what, at any point in time, there will always be at least one thing that sticks out and refuses to let me sleep. Sometimes the issues change or even take turns, but the point is I have never had a time without worry. I suppose that is natural. Afterall, if you had nothing to stress over, wouldn't that freak you out? I think it would affect me. No stress can be a bad thing. I prefer the Yerkes-Dodson effect on stress myself. It's times of higher level stress (moderate or slightly higher level) that I perform better. My reasoning is that I would rather feel bad than feel nothing. At least I can feel.
The other day I had a conversation with one of my friends over coffee and tea. It's funny how that sounds so mature and college like. Then again we're both out of college, so that's an anachronism right there. Haha. Oh well. I miss having one on one talks without worrying about time. Just sitting there and taking it all in without worry. College was certainly a not a place to be worry free, but we did have our moments where midterms were over, papers were turned in and our projects and readings were all caught up and my friends and I could go out and walk around, check out the sites, have some boba and relax. I miss those times. In those moments, many things seem to come into perspective and people become a little more honest. You may even learn a bit or two about each other that may surprise you. I think that's why I've developed a penchant for bookstores and coffee shops. I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the smells and the feel of the place, especially during the fall and winter nights when it feels warm and cozy inside with a bit of Sinatra or Coltrane playing in the background. Now that's my idea of relaxation...
That time we talked about random things occasionally touching on family and past relationships, romantic and otherwise. It never ceases to amaze me how my gut feeling is usually right, and yet I tend to deny it all the time. My brain and my conscience always tried as much as possible to see the good in people and take their word for whatever they tell me. On rare occasion, I'll feel something contradictory. When that happens, usually something is up. If you pay close enough attention, you can figure it out anyway. Though at times I try to be blind to it. I'm sure many of you have done the same and refused to see the truth in what was already there.
At the age of 23, I think I've learned to know better and accept certain things that, being a bit younger wouldn't have allowed me to. I think I'm more ready now to take on greater responsibility. The problem is, will there be enough of an opportunity for me to express my voracity in realm of academia. For me, learning is like an addictive substance that I can't seem to stay away from for too long.
Oh yes, I nearly forgot to say that my father went back to the homeland to take care of his parents. My grandfather had an accident as they went on vacation the other week, so my dad had to fly over to tend to them and settle some legal matters else where. Not to worry, all is well with my grandparents and my father seems to be fairly happy returning home after being gone for a good length of time. He'll be back around Thanksgiving, so that's good. in the meantime, my family and I are trying to enjoy the quiet and absence of extra stress while my father is away. Oh I'd like to go crazy and stay out all day, but I woudln't really want to abuse my mom's understanding nature. If my dad says be home by 10, I can max it out to 11 or even 12 with my mom as long as I call and there is a reasonable explanation. She's cool like that. I love her to pieces =) Her birthday is comming up on November 11, Veterans day. She has work, but I still want to do something for her even though I gave her present way in advance. Maybe I'll bake a cake. Ah my mom's gonna be 46. Yep, she's still young and cool. In fact, she's cooler than me -_-; Ah how proud I am of my mom ^^.
Listening to: Heavier Things (2003) - John Mayer
Mood: Complacent
posted by shine
at
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
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