Give Me Space
After finishing this post I've decided to put a bit of a briefing. I will remind you that you came here on your own. These are my private thoughts and whatever you read are my feelings at the time, pure and unadulterated. If you take offense I'm sorry as it was not my intent. If you think I'm directing this to you, then that's up to you to decide. I will never tell you if you ask. I never asked you to read this. Regardless, this is how I feel, so if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program...
Ah sometimes I don't know why some people just don't want to leave me alone! Left and right I feel like people are just bugging the hell out of me. I just want to lock myself up and cut off all forms of contact. I need my peace, I need my space and I need my time to myself! Some people need to be around others all the time. Some need to be in close proximity with others all the time. In my case, I can only be with one person at a time and feel comfortable. One person that I am close to. I can give my full attention and I don't have to worry about anything else. I like working on on a more personal level. Quality over quantity I always say.
Spoken like a complete social recluse, I really do hate crowds. I mean concerts are okay, because we share the same taste in music, so we have something in common. In generalm however, I find them troublesome, suffocating and uncomfortable. I need my personal space--four feet at least. When I begin to feel like there are too many people vying for my attention, my initial response is to break away and close myself off.
I like people. I really do. I guess that's why psychology appealed so much to me. Focusing on the individual and accepting that people, despite general similarities, have many unique traits and experiences that affect who they are. I'm always surprised to find those who are incapable of understanding this, or those who hear about it find the idea more astonishing than intuitive.
I don't know why I feel so suffocated around people, especially those who are attention needy. It really gets on my nerves. What makes it even worse is that there are some who don't really get it no matter how many times you tell them (or show them) you want to be left alone. Ah I don't know...Maybe it wouldn't be this way if I really liked them. That's what my mom told me anyway. Who knows. She might be right. I do like my friends though. They're really awesome people. Maybe I don't like them enough? I hope that's not it. But that fact of the matter is my phone rang several times today and each time it did I didn't like it. I cringe each time I hear my phone ring. It seems to welcome uncomfortable situations and I've associated it as such. That is not to say that all my phone conversations have been bad. Most have been quite nice. I just don't like unnecessary talk on the phone. It ties you down and makes you unproductive and you can't do anything else while you're on. Then there are people who seem to be the completely dense and can't pick up on your subtle hints that you are tired and want to hang up. Talking on the phone isn't my only beef. Everytime any one of my friends wishes to see me or meet up, I end up cringing and thinking to myself how much of a hassle it will be. I end up dreading the whole experience up to the point of actually engaging in whatever activity we have planned. Usually I enjoy myself, but it's usually at a cost in one way or another. There's always a catch to happiness. That may be the reason why it's so easy for me to just avoid it all together. I'm such a bad person aren't I? I wonder if this is how I've always been?
Tomorrow I'll have my release working with the kids. I'll be part of a team and I won't have to worry too much about all the unwanted attention for a few hours. Honestly, it feels as if I have no safe haven anymore. No place is sacred. It's not that I don't like being around others. In fact I like attention as well, but I think in moderation and the right kind. I think it's more like I can't be around people where I can't be myself without question, without pretense and without apologies. I realize that in almost every case, we change according to who we're with ever so slightly, but I think I'm most "myself" when I'm at home. Home is right and it makes me feel comfortable. Maybe that's why I prefer to be home versus going out and "having fun". There's no one to watch over, no one to impress, no one to be conscious of. It's just you and the people you've known since you were born. They know your bad habits, your flaws, your peeves. They don't question or make fun of the things that matter...
And all this rambling has come about due to a bunch of calls and emails...
Now back to your regularly scheduled program...
Ah sometimes I don't know why some people just don't want to leave me alone! Left and right I feel like people are just bugging the hell out of me. I just want to lock myself up and cut off all forms of contact. I need my peace, I need my space and I need my time to myself! Some people need to be around others all the time. Some need to be in close proximity with others all the time. In my case, I can only be with one person at a time and feel comfortable. One person that I am close to. I can give my full attention and I don't have to worry about anything else. I like working on on a more personal level. Quality over quantity I always say.
Spoken like a complete social recluse, I really do hate crowds. I mean concerts are okay, because we share the same taste in music, so we have something in common. In generalm however, I find them troublesome, suffocating and uncomfortable. I need my personal space--four feet at least. When I begin to feel like there are too many people vying for my attention, my initial response is to break away and close myself off.
I like people. I really do. I guess that's why psychology appealed so much to me. Focusing on the individual and accepting that people, despite general similarities, have many unique traits and experiences that affect who they are. I'm always surprised to find those who are incapable of understanding this, or those who hear about it find the idea more astonishing than intuitive.
I don't know why I feel so suffocated around people, especially those who are attention needy. It really gets on my nerves. What makes it even worse is that there are some who don't really get it no matter how many times you tell them (or show them) you want to be left alone. Ah I don't know...Maybe it wouldn't be this way if I really liked them. That's what my mom told me anyway. Who knows. She might be right. I do like my friends though. They're really awesome people. Maybe I don't like them enough? I hope that's not it. But that fact of the matter is my phone rang several times today and each time it did I didn't like it. I cringe each time I hear my phone ring. It seems to welcome uncomfortable situations and I've associated it as such. That is not to say that all my phone conversations have been bad. Most have been quite nice. I just don't like unnecessary talk on the phone. It ties you down and makes you unproductive and you can't do anything else while you're on. Then there are people who seem to be the completely dense and can't pick up on your subtle hints that you are tired and want to hang up. Talking on the phone isn't my only beef. Everytime any one of my friends wishes to see me or meet up, I end up cringing and thinking to myself how much of a hassle it will be. I end up dreading the whole experience up to the point of actually engaging in whatever activity we have planned. Usually I enjoy myself, but it's usually at a cost in one way or another. There's always a catch to happiness. That may be the reason why it's so easy for me to just avoid it all together. I'm such a bad person aren't I? I wonder if this is how I've always been?
Tomorrow I'll have my release working with the kids. I'll be part of a team and I won't have to worry too much about all the unwanted attention for a few hours. Honestly, it feels as if I have no safe haven anymore. No place is sacred. It's not that I don't like being around others. In fact I like attention as well, but I think in moderation and the right kind. I think it's more like I can't be around people where I can't be myself without question, without pretense and without apologies. I realize that in almost every case, we change according to who we're with ever so slightly, but I think I'm most "myself" when I'm at home. Home is right and it makes me feel comfortable. Maybe that's why I prefer to be home versus going out and "having fun". There's no one to watch over, no one to impress, no one to be conscious of. It's just you and the people you've known since you were born. They know your bad habits, your flaws, your peeves. They don't question or make fun of the things that matter...
And all this rambling has come about due to a bunch of calls and emails...
posted by shine
at
Sunday, January 22, 2006
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home