New Arrivals and Kingdom Hearts II
Just received the ISWAK OST and Ranie's new album. That was seriously fast. I'm so surprised at how they package things in Asia compared to the US. It seems like they add a lot more fluff to their items than the US does. You definitely get more for your money. I think, in the end, those little fluff items are the reason why people break big bucks and are enticed to buy. It reminds me of buying cereal with a toy inside. You buy the ceral because of the toy and not buying the cereal that happens to have a toy inside. OR it could be that they add alot of fluff, because there is a lot more piracy they have to compete with and adding the little extra stickers, posters, and post cards pulls the customer to their favor. It's such a dog eat dog world in business, which is why I have shunned away from it.
March 28th is also the day Jun's special is released. I should be seeing it in a few days ^___^.
Breathes in...
Today also marks the release of the much anticipated and long awaited sequel to the Square-Enix (formerly Squaresoft)-- series, Kingdom Hearts (PS2) and Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories (GBA).
Kingdom Hearts II (PS2) as I have heard, is much better than the original in all aspects. I am a bit aprehensive as I love the first very much. However, the very fortunate fans who have been able to play the Japanese release have stated their approval, so I will refrain from being the major skeptic that I am. Haley Joel Osmont (Sixth Sense) will revive his role of Sora in this series (I'm curious to know how his voice sounds after several years ^^). Another KH vet is Utada Hikaru. She will be gracing the soundtrack once again with a new theme song titled Passion. I didn't think she would be able to pull off something as beautiful or successful as Hikari (Japanese) aka Simple and Clean (English), but I think she succeeded. The song feels like an evolved form of Hikari, very warped, emphemeral, and euphoric. The track is laid with a lot of back beats and distortions that can initially be distracting, but as the song progresses it anticipation and grandeur to the score that leads to the main event. I have yet to hear the English version of this song, but I hope it stands well to its Japanese counter part. One thing to note about the music video for Hikari (Utada Hikaru PV), it was so much cheaper to film than her Passion video ^^;). There is no US released PV that I know of for Simple and Clean or Passion.
Here are other videos containing Simple and Clean, Hikari and Passion:
[Disclaimer: All videos listed, excludig Utada Hikaru's Simple and Clean UH Live Recording contains spoilers for Kingdom Hearts I and II. Do not watch if you have not seen these and do not want to spoil it for yourself. Watch at your own risk. Videos are under copywright UH, Sonymusic, Disney, Buenavista Games, Square-Enix and its respective owners. None of these files are hosted on this site.]
Utada HIkaru - Simple and Clean UH Live RecordingOfficial Kingdom Hearts Opening Sequence (Simple and Clean)Official Kingdom Hearts Ending Sequence (Simple and Clean)Official Kingdom Hearts Secret Ending SequenceOfficial Kingdom Hearts Opening Sequence (Hikari)
Official Kingdom Hearts II Opening Sequence [Japan] (Passion) Official Kingdom Hearts II Ending Sequence[Japan]Kingdom Hearts II Secret Ending Sequence [Japan]
American fans have waited over two years for this release only to get disappointed by Square-Enix's decision to repeatedly push back the release date. Honestly, I nearly lost interest and anticipation. However Disney and Square have officially stated the date of its release. Now that day is finally here, I find it hard to believe. We'll see how it goes. Finally we'll see what the hype is all about. One thing is certain, the animation quality is spectacular and Sora's saga will end here.
-Edit- May 16, 2006
I forgot about posting a review about KH2 and well I'll be brief. It is a really good game. It is much easier to control...a little too easy if I may say. The graphics are what you would expect from a Disney-Square venture, but it is more than just eye candy. I have yet to finish the game. I think I've logged about 13 hrs total. Note that isn't much especially if you need about 40 to complete the whole thing. I barely broke the beginning stages. Nonetheless I have very little gripes about it. The story flows pretty smoothly and it leaves no gaps between the story of Kingdom Hearts I and Chain of Memories. I am not disappointed. Of course there is a great nostalgia factor, so if you did not play the first game and the Game Boy Advance continuation, it might be a little hard to grasp. This second installment for the PS2 is certainly a treat for the Kingdom's loyal fans. From music to character design, game play and story, this improves on what was already a greatly loved classic. Now, if only they'd get rid of that Chicken Little (don't worry, he's just a summon).
Shine's rating:
4.5/5 stars
The Call
This morning my aunt called my mom to tell us that the doctor wanted all the immediate family to come to the hospital. I overheard my mother relay the msg to my other aunts and uncles. I already knew that it wasn't good. It was sad to see everyone actually there in one room unable to speak and holding back their tears, some of which have not seen her since she entered the hospital last week. Personally, I could not really stand and look at her for too long without my eyes suddenly tearing up. I already knew her situation was bad. Although I am constantly surrounded by death at the hospital, I don't care how prepared or desensitized you think you are. The situation changes when it is one of your own. What really got me was not really my grandmother's condition. I knew she was essentially sleeping and probably could feel no pain. I felt so sad for my father, grandfather and mostly my uncle (her favorite) who had a falling out with the family not too long ago. Hearing them try to talk to her and telling her to wake up just made my heart ache, especially when I heard my grandfather talk to her. He is another tough man, who almost never shows any emotion but being jolly, angry or stone cold. This time, I could sense his strength on it's limit with a tinge of despiration and sorrow. Half of my family understood that her situation was not getting any better, while the other half was angry at the doctors and in denial. My uncle, the oldest among the six children, asked the older grandchildren what we thought and we essentially agreed that if our grandmother was able to voice her opinion, she wouldn't want to be incapacitated and feeling helpless. Ultimately, it is our grandfather's decision.
A total of three clergy men came to see her. Decon John of St. Anthony's, another priest who is friends of my aunt and uncle and the priest affiliated with the hospital. The annointing of the sick was done today. So she has her last rites. After speaking with her doctor, apart from my cousin, aunt and a word here and there by a family member or two, the place was quiet. My aunt decided to pray the rosary. Much to my comfort, it broke the silence and eased the tension in the room of 16. In the middle of the rosary, her life signs began to fluctuate. My aunt insisted that those were signs of her wanting to respond or pray with us. Honestly, I don't really know. I think anything is possible. It's really in God's will if she wakes or moves on.
Before this happened, death in the family has always crossed my mind, since I'm around it so much. Death is inevitable, and we shouldn't avoid talking about it. My personal preference, when that time comes was to allow nature take it's course. I wouldn't want the medical staff to have me or my loved one hooked up to multiple machines running most of my organs, lungs, and bowels only to have a shell of a person with an artificial heart beat. That is more like hell than anything I could imagine. It seems so cruel. I can't help but remember Terry Shaivo's situation and her family's resistance to "pull the plug" on her. Their reasoning was that she was responsive and followed movement directively. What I don't know in her case was the extent of her brain damage and whether she could even understand anything going on. She suffered tremendously long stuck to life support. Now I know my grandmother wouldn't want that. Tomorrow they will have another meeting. I still have no idea what they will decide. Hopefully we'll find out something new tomorrow that will help. Either way, I feel pretty helpless. One thing that I am somewhat thankful for is our entire family being there when it counts. When we went to my grandmother and grandfather's house after the visit, it felt a little bit like old times, especially with the little kids playing in the yard like my cousins and I used to do when we were little. It's hard to believe that she isn't there in her favorite spot talking up a storm and yelling at the children to stop running.
When the Going Get's Tough
Some people go to the batting cages, others go for a run, some swim, some eat, while some coop themsevlves up in their rooms to cope with whatever anger or sadness they feel. Well I splurge. The little bit of temporary happiness I can muster from attacking my creditcard. No I won't charge myself to death. I still have some restraint, but the little nagging part of my brain saying "you don't need that" or "that's not necessary" is temporarily turned off. 
Today I made two main purchases and one impulse buy. One of which I've been wanting so badly to buy for two years. I decided, if this isn't the time for me to buy, then I'll never get it and regret it. So yes, hello Kimi Wa Petto DVD Box Set *sigh*. Yes I caved in. I just hope to God it isn't suddently out of stock! That set isn't easy to come by either. The next is just the OST of It Started With a Kiss. It's a good upbeat Sound track, so I'm happy. What I was really looking for was the OST for Love Contract, but much to my dismay, no major online retailer has it. I can't believe it's completely sold out. *arg* So I'm settling for what I have right now. Never thought I'd be buying Chinese music, but the soundtrack to this is actually worth listening to. Setting aside my guilty pleasures, I nearly preordered Mika Nakashima's All Hands Together, Spitz's two compilation albums, Suneohair's Kanashimi and Waltz, but reality hit me and I began thinking "must I really buy this now?" "Will I really be listening to these all the freaking time?" so I've decided to grab those another day. My craving for indie rock (regardless of the language) is in need of satiating but it can wait. At least I don't drink towards happiness. 
Apart from the music scene, I'm tempted to grab the "i-am-8-bit" compilation book. Yes they're finally going to release a book with all the pieces in the exhibit. Seems like my friends and I went to the gallery not so long ago and now they're doing the second gallery showing.
Btw, Jon (curator) is asking all you 8-bit enthusiasts/artists to submit your works. I-am-8bit has teamed up with IGN.com and is holding contest for a chance for you to get your artwork displayed at the I-am-8bit exhibit 2006! Open to all. Deadline for submissions is April 7. It's seriously a great opportunity to showcase your work and get instant recognition among the indie art scene. There are quite a few distinguished and well respected artists who've showcased and contributed their works to this exhibit, so do your best! It might be your lucky break!I'm thinking of submitting just for fun, but who knows if I'll even have time to turn my work in. I still have to think of a concept. Given my sched, I won't have time to make a serious entry myself though -_-. Works are often in acrylic, oil, and mixed media, but feel free to use whatever medium you work best in. Be creative (avoid grossness though like that one dude in Ripleys). For more details, check out the official website at iam8bit.net.Now that I am done with my ridiculous shopping spree, I need to upload pictures from the wedding on to this site. If only I could make it password protected. Blast that Google search engine! On a much more somber note, yesterday my mother and I went to visit my grandmother. She was in the ICU and just looking at all the other patients there gave me a creepy feeling. If you've seen Resident Evil I where you see a floating body in a tank of water or Harry Potter IV with the underwater scene, you'll know what I'm talking about. Everyone there was in a vegitative state. Extremely pale white, skin and bones, life hanging onto multiple tubes and heair bright lifeless white. It was really horrible. I felt so sorry for them, more so than my own grandmother. As for her state, she is still in a coma and just looking at her makes me feel helpless. Thankfully she has color in her cheeks and reacts to pain. We saw her reflexively open her eyes a few times, but never made any directive actions. I pray to God she wakes up and gets better. We still don't know the extent of brain damage, but after seeing her situation, it makes me think that it would be better for her to let go. She's suffered for a long time already and has been leading a somewhat lonely and dissatisfied life. Now I don't know exactly how things have gotten so bad relationship wise between her and her children, but I saw really old photos of her and her children when they were little kids that made me realize just how much of her and her life I never really knew. She loves being pampered, but she doesn't like being pitied or sheltered. She is quite the fiesty woman who always got her way, no matter how wrong or stubborn she was. Now on her hospital bed, she seems so helpless and so lifeless, it's scary. No one should have to end up that way.
Melloncollie and my Infinite Sadness
The past few weeks have been really hard for me and my family, but I think I should write some of my thoughts before everything passes and I end up forgetting. March hasn't been a very forgiving month. Everything has been so emotional up to now.
Last week the big event came and we were supported by close friends and family. The day before presented me with an opportunity to have confession with Fr. Mike. I knew I had man heavy burdens inside that still lingered, so I was really happy I got to talk to Fr. Mike. I think I just needed someone to listen unbiased and unassuming. It helped me immensely and the few words and way he spoke, even though they weren't novel or things I haven't told myself before, they were affirming and comforting. I really needed to hear them especially now.
Part of the burden I've been carying has been my past hatred for my paternal grandparents. I will use "hatred" because that was what I felt at the time. Deep seated and loathesome hatred. I hated them so much that I failed to acknowledge their ties or existence to me. Of course hating people is never good and it takes up a lot of energy. I eventually let those feelings go and forgave whatever vices they had and asked for forgiveness on the things I've done. Our relationship has never been the same since that one incident many years ago. I was never close to them to begin with, but that one event just put a wall between them and myself that will never really go away. For those who know me, I am not one to hold a grudge, but being hurt that deeply triggered all the negative feelings and actions I have never let out.
Now I've accepted how things are and how things will never be. Sometimes, no matter how horrible or how oppressed they made me and my family feel, I can't help but look now and feel so sorry for them. I know there is a reason why God allows certain things to happen, and I believe that we reap what we sow. I forgave my grandparents a long time ago, because I couldn't handle the pain of hating someone else and allowing their emptiness consume me. I love them, because of the father they gave me. For whatever little love they ever showed to me, I will be thankful and accept, because that was all they could give.
Last week they both attended the ceremony, and in a way, I avoided them. I felt uncomfortable. I still do. Even though past is past, my parents can no longer force their children to come and visit their grandparents. To be honest, most of my interactions with them are formalities and pleasantries. It makes me feel a bit guilty and sad that it has been reduced to this, but whenever I think about everything else that has happened and the things that will never change, I just get frustraited. I feel that it is better to let things go and allow things to happen as they are. No use in forcing yourself to be nice or be affectionate when you really can't. It's not like they ever were the affectionate type anyway.
Two days after the ceremony, my grandmother went for her biweekly dialysis and went into a coma. I was sick that evening and I saw my dad come home early. No one told us why he was home so early. He usually says something, but I didn't bother to ask this time for some reason. The next day my mother told me what happened. The place my grandmother would get her dialysis from, the place that caused her to have difficulty in breathing, finally caused her worst fear. She was known to complain and whine a lot, but I don't know why you would bring your family member to a place that caused her to have difficulty breathing (imaginary or not). My father soon saw me that evening and asked my mom if I knew yet. Apparently not many knew yet, not even my siblings and some of my fathers'. When I found out I was scared. I knew she might not make it.
I've seen it time and again, the older person would have numerous ailments, very old, carying a heavy burden, and finally a complication will arise and they fall into a coma. Once in a coma, the sign is never good. My grandmother is pushing 80 years old has high blood pressure and diabetes among other things. She has survived two mastectomies and chemotherapy for breastcancer. She is a tough woman who's undergone so many things. One thing I am very glad for is her being closer to my dad after all these years even though it's not exactly the same. I'm also happy she was able to see her two young grandchildren from her youngest son. I'm grateful that they made up before all this happened. I think the only thing that is really holding her back from going peacefully is her favorite son's jealous feelings.
She is still in a coma, much to everyone's dismay. What makes me feel even worse is I haven't visited her yet. My father no longer tells us to go and check on her even though I know he hopes we do. I will visit her tomorrow. I took it upon myself to ask where to find her. Before I had an excuse saying "I didn't know what room" or "No one told me" or "I didn't know she was still at the hospital". I think my dad has come to terms with the possibility of her dying. I can't imagine how hard it has been on him. I know my father loves her very much. On the second day of her coma, my dad and I ate luch together and he kept on rambling on about something inconsequential. I normally wouldn't pay too much attention, but I let him go on and on. I knew it was his own way of coping with his pain. Talking about other things and thinking of simpler and happier times allowed my father to relive the joy he felt when he was younger. It was painful to see it, more so than to see him in a completely solemn and pensive state.
On Thursday my cousin and I had some dinner and a heart to heart talk. I told him our grandmother was in a coma and he was in shock and yet didn't really know how to react. This I can't really understand because he grew up in her care and yet I don't know how he's feeling about this whole thing. I guess he's distanced himself from them as well, just as their other grandchildren have done throughout the years.
Today I spoke to my mother about a few things and mentioned how she and my sister went to visit my grandmother for the first time since she was hospitalized. I felt an ache after I found out she had a seizure two days ago and is now in a near dead state. Hearing my mother's description of my grandmother in comparison to how her father, my grandfather, died just put really disturbing images in my head. My father's mother, currently is a shell of her former self. Stiff, cold, and nonresponsive. I don't want to see her like that. I remember thinking to myself a few years back that I didn't care or wouldn't feel anything if either of them died. I knew I would feel sorry for my father, but that would be it. I don't think I can say the same thing now. No son should have to see their mother and father in such pain. She may not have been the best mother, but she did what she knew. We've already had a death in the family in the past two weeks and a loss two weeks before that. I really don't want to see another.
