Sweetness
Just came home from church. I went with my aunt, uncle and niece Bianca. Bianca is four and majorly cute. She has really beautiful round dark eyes and very very long pointed eyelashes top and bottm. Very full lips and very chubby cheeks and has slight dimples like her mommy oh and she has the most beautifully curly long light brown hair. She's a sweetie. I know she'll be extremely pretty when she grows up. I feel bad not being there to see her grow up but my cousin is in Michigan, and I hardly ever see her anyway. It's somewhat sad to know, especially since she was basically my older sister when we were younger. She would braid and curl my hair and dress me up like her own doll. Now she has a little girl of her own that she can do that too. Makes me smile and yet sad to know that this kid doesn't know who I am. It's okay though, because she has grown up pretty well, very sweet and we got along very much. It was hard to keep her still at church though, but that's expected from a four year old. What's funny is, while I was there, people from church kept on asking if I was my cousin (Bianca's mother's sister). I guess cause they haven't seen her in so long. But anyway, I felt comfortable with my niece and I wish I could have given her something, like a Hello kitty ring or bag. She told me she likes Hello Kitty...figures. Her mom was obsessed with Sanrio stuff and gave me Sanrio things when I was young. I wanted to return the favor, but alas, I don't do Hello Kitty anymore. I just give it as a present now. Well Christmas is left I guess. I hope I can see Bianca again. She's too sweet to be corrupted with all the unfortunate family issues. It's weird how I miss her already even though I only spent a little over an hour with her talking and making funny faces. Kids are great. I hope one day she can actually remember her auntie's name. =\
Sick...
...I am.
Started feeling a sore throat on Tuesday, ignored it on Thanksgiving cause I was having too much fun. I certainly felt it Friday as I was coughing like crazy. My dad came home btw. I'm glad =). Then today I sound hoarse and I'm congested. T_T Oh well. Least I won't be sick during Christmas. Meh, I'm gonna have to call in sick tomorrow for the hospital duty. I can't risk getting the kids sick, especially the kids I'm working with. They have extremely low immune systems, if any at all. *sigh* it's gonna be my 2nd day not going there. First time to ever back down on anything cause I was sick. You can call me one of those perfect attendance kids. =P Of course if I had measels or chickenpox (which I've already had) then I wouldn't go, but a cold is not a reason to stay home, nor is a fever or cough. I usually tough it out and bring lots of tissue and cover my face alot >_>. Okay well back to work for me. Yes I'm working...X| (if I didn't get paid well, there's no way I'd go to work today =P).
The day that keeps on giving
Thanksgiving is coming and my dad is coming home. Even though it was only for three weeks and I normally don't see my dad all that much, I did miss my dad. Glad it wasn't longer than that. If he stayed till Dec 5, I think I could have managed though ^_-.
Today my co-workers and I ate at a restaurant for Thanksgiving. The one who used to plan the parties at our department now works for the weather bureau, so the guys got lazy and decided to eat out instead. My co-worker who's been so kind to lend me so many books also treated me for lunch. (thank you Mike =D). Everyone at work always babys me I guess cause I'm pretty much as old as their kids. I'm pretty lucky.
Tomorrow I'll be in Moorpark celebrating Thanksgiving with my cousins. I guess we're going to check out the new Simi Valley Mall. I hope we get to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I really want to see that one. I doubt it though. Oh well.
As the holidays are creeping up, I know everyone is kind of tight on their budgets right now including me. I can't seem to save past a certain mark. I think I'm going to tell my mom to really not give me any presents this year. I tell her that every year but she always seems to buy me something anyway -_-. I won't be stiffing my family for presents, but they certainly won't be any thing huge as I would have wanted. I'm putting a cap to my spending this year. I've already blown a good number of dollars on Kimi Wa Petto. I really want the DVD, but it's at Y19800 or something, roughly $164 for the dvd box set. It's pretty rare and they only have it at YesAsia and Amazon Japan. I opted to get the manga instead and the OST. Now it might seem crazy of me to do, but I rarely do buy anything for myself. I rarely find anything worth buying. But this time, it's something I really really want. My mother always told me that if you find something you feel that strongly about having and you can afford it, then get it before you regret it. My mother says that it's bad to always downplay your desires and never givein to indugences cause it's not like you do it very often. Lately I've been feeling somewhat guilty because I've been indulging more than I have ever in my life. I guess that makes sense since I have money to spend now. However, with everything I spend, I make it a point to compromise and not buy other things to even it out. So after this is over, I'm certainly not making any more lavish purchases. The last thing will probably be the Kimi Wa Petto DVD and a region free DVD. Oh wait and a present for my mom and dad for their silver wedding anniversary...my sister's birthday, brother's birthday, dad's birthday, friend's birthday T_T...it never ends. I'll figure it out. More overtime? X\. Oh well it's better to give than receive afterall. It's okay ^_^. I give thanks for I am truly blessed!
Oh yeah and before I leave...
HAPPY Thanksgiving!!!
To all my friends out there, I miss you guys ^_^
Just because
I've been trying to keep quiet about this for the past month or so, but today it's blatantly obvious and has made me a bit uncomfortable. My supervisor told me last month or so, this new guy at work has been wondering why I rarely venture out of the office since he's only seen me twice in the past month. My supervisor is like an uncle to me, so he teased me saying how the guy probably likes me. I made no big deal about it and said that he was probably just curious. He likes teasing me though cause he knows how strict my dad is and this kinda thing happens every so often. This guy finally caught me coming out of my car one morning and tried to get my name as he introduced himself. My supervisor said "See, I told you, he likes you!" with a big funny smile and chuckle.
After that, I kind of I tried to avoid paths especially when I knew he was in the next building and I need to speak with people in the other department. Today, however during lunch, he spotted me leaving the office and basically cornered me. I didn't think he would try to hold the conversation that long and ask a bunch of questions, but I tried to be polite. After speaking with him for nearly 10 minutes and inwardly saying "Don't mess with me, I'm out of your league" and excused myself and implied I had several obligation to attend to. I don't know if he took a hint. I mean come on, he asked me twice if was married! WTF?! Do I freaking look like I'm married?! People think I'm in highschool for goodness sake. Married? What twisted world does he live in? I'd understand if he asked if I had a boyfriend, but not married. Geez. I know there are plenty of people my age who are married, but that's not usually the first thing you ask a young woman. Well okay it wasn't the first thing he asked, but it was among the first few. It's kinda weird. I've never ever been asked if I was married! I mean, are you slow or something? Come on! And get this, he's 27, four years older than me. Why the hell is he asking about marriage?! *sigh* I don't know if I should feel angry, embarassed or flattered by that remark. Anyway, after that, I have no doubt in my mind he's interested. I was playing it cool for a while, but lately he's been trying to talk to me more often. To his defense, he's an okay guy though not my type and no chance in the world. Sorry. The things I tried to say obviously just went over his head. Well I hope I won't have to get trapped like that again. He practically attempted to ask my life story and my schedule (i.e. free time) and if I hang out. That's not a good sign. Anyway that's my beef today. Word of the wise to guys out there, if the girl is showing hints of uneasiness and disinterest, you should stop your game and quit before you make a fool of yourself. Just because a girl is nice to you, doesn't mean you have a shot with her. -_-
Blah bored...
Here I am at work killing time until I get off in a few minutues. Man how boring X|. I can't freely do anything like sleep (which I've been too conscious to do even when I have the office to myself). Or surf the web, since people come in to ask me things and bring materials over to be research and certified. *sigh* Today, Shine is boss, granted a bored boss, but boss nonetheless. =P When I get home, I plan on sleeping, since I've been dozing off for the past few hours and never fully sleeping for more than 5 mins. However, Iwill most likely be online catering to my "reading". Man that's so not healthy. Good thing my dental appointment is set for next week. Ah I checkedon ebay for a two pack ticket for the JEW concert. they're selling for 100 bux...ie. 50 each and they just went on sale Saturday and cost roughtly 30 bux. Hmm, maybe I can make a profit with possibly extra tickets. ^^ who knows. OR I can scalp them cause they already sold out so booya. Anyway got a few tickets for JEW. Can't wait till they come in ^_^. Arighty, I'm closing up shop. I'm outta here!
As you sleep...
I am awake. Got exactly 30 mins of sleep last night. Yes thirty. And yet, I don't am feeling the severe consequences nodding off instantaenously at my desk like a narcoleptic in the snap of a finger! any more tired than if I had slept 6 or 7.. NOT GOOD. Good thing I work fast and it isn't a problem for me to catch up with research work. I'm taking a nap instead of eating lunch. Man I need a pick-me-up. The closest thing I have to an energy drink is VitaminWater (good stuff :D) and I have the office to myself ^_^.
Saw The Phanton of the Opera (2004), directed by the genius Joel Schumacher. I really liked it. I regret not having seen the original though, but I would rank this movie high up there with one of the best executed films in a musical. Well done considering musicals made today are close to none and even taboo. I love musicals. So whatever. Classic story, few beefs, I say 4.5 stars out of 5
Rewind further back, I also met up with Chris and had a long lunch after Child Dev. It was nice to catch up. We ate at the Corner Bakery and shared a Panini cause we were both not very hungry. Spoke with Rahil as well. Nice surprise. Kinda like old times.
Back to Saturday, I went to a wedding anniversary. They did have a ceremony. I got to wear a dress after a long while. I think I need to buy a few new ones and more skirts. Holidays are comming and I have nothing to show for it. Applications for Berkeley are due Late December, but I haven't requested my letters of rec yet. I'm honestly scared of trying out and just failing. Maybe I should retake the GREs and hope I get better scores. Mine were slightly above average. That's not really good enough -_-.
Late worries are that Christmas is looming and my friends' birthdays are comming. *sigh* and one particular friend refuses to give me his address. I just hope he doesn't start sending me extravagant packages. You promised! We made a promise! You know who you are! I'll get you when you graduate!
On a side note and one reason for my sleep depravation, Hot Gimmick T_T. And lastly, Jun I wish you stayed here in Cali and were born a few months later *sigh*.
Mood: butterflies, sadness
Music: Staind - So far Away
Happy Birthday Nanay
Today is Veterans Day, which means it is also my mom's birthday. First off, I send my respects to all the veterans out there...that includes my dad. Salute to all of your hard work and loyalty to your country! Next I'd like to greet my mom cause it's her birthday today. She's fortysix =D. Maybe I should post a picture of my mom cause she's so pretty ^^. I love my Nanay.
Happy Birthday Nay!
Worth it?
As sheltered teenager/young adult, I had to spend my undergrad days with roommates. I value my personal space ( stay 3 feet away) and I have my own room at home. You can imagine I was not very thrilled with the idea of rooming with a couple of strangers. Luckily, with the seven roommates I had, I got along with all of them. I never really encountered a real "roommate from hell". Though I did have my own share of headaches, I was pretty lucky. My roommates and I (that is I and not necessarily each other) never had any conflict. I could confidently say we were pretty good friends too. Yes, we still try to keep in touch.
One of my more recent roommates is the one I felt closest to. She was not only my apartment mate and roommate, but she was occasionally my classmate and fellow officer for the org we were part of. We saw each other quite a bit. Imagine how horrible it would be if we didn't get along. Actually, we were really close, almost like a bestfriend to me. In part, I belive it is, because we did have that much in common. We got to share in each other's angst and problems. From computer troubles, research papers, studying and relationship help and family, I listened and I enjoyed it. She was older, yet I was the one giving advice. I was supposed to be the sheltered one, but she was the one who was seemingly more curious and oblivious to things. We struck a good balance. For some reason, I felt older than her =
In that year, I got to know her very well, maybe more thans she knew me. She was the hectic and high strung one who never had time to chill out. Even when she was supposed to be "having fun" and relaxing with her boyfriend (now fiance), she had to set a schedule for it. While "taking a break" she would think about the things she needed to do that weren't getting done while she doing whatever she was at the time. She wouldn't really fully enjoy herself. I won't deny that I have my moments like that, especially when I'm coerced to do something while I need to do something else that isn't being done. BUT, as much as possible, I try to avoid that feeling by finishing what I need to do first and enjoy myself later, or simply pass up whatever it is so I can tend to whatever it is I need to do. I missed out on a lot of fun times, because I chose studying over fun quite a bit. She tries, she really does. She just can't help but want to do everything and satisfy everyone. Of course that's impossible.
It was painful and annoying at times, especially when she would ask for advice and then falter. compromise...usually not to her favor. I accepted that for who she is. I feel like she actualy likes being stressed out more than me. I know a lot of my friends say I do too much and never take breaks, but compared to her, I'm Joe Cool. Don't get me wrong, It's not that I slack off. I try my best and hardest in all my work. I don't like doing anything half-assed (except for maybe this website -P), but she puts too much on her plate to the point of buring herself out. In the process, she even compromises the quality of her work and relationships. You can't do well if you're doing them all at once or too fast. She even does this when she's buying from a website. And those of you who buy onlne know that is definitely a bad idea. Occasionally she'd freak out and make a mistake and I would have to calm her down and try to "fix" whatever it was that messed up because she was impulsive or in such a hurry. At times I don't really get why she does this to herself, but knowing her history and family, I understand she needs to do this to feel in control of her life. She is striving to show her family, especially her father, that she is a successful person he can be proud of. This is her way of saying "look at me". It makes her feel good. I just don't know if it is really working or if she's fully able to enjoy herself with her fiance and her success whens he's burnt out and worried all the time. Last time I saw her, she looked alot better...maybe cause it was summer. But I have a feeling I'll be seeing another frail and unhealthy looking young woman again *sigh*. I hope she gets it together in time for the wedding next year. It's looming...
Random Links:
J-Pop Culture: My Anime Fix and Geisha Woes
I realize that my posts are often incoherent and scattered, but life is chronological and not logically ordered. Sometimes I pot relative to importance. Other times I post relative to order. I just mentioned this incase someone decides to point that out. First my anime fix and next my psuedo book review.
Back tracking from my Honey & Clover DVD2, I was able to successfully order DVD1 for double what I would have spent if I were able to buy it when it came out a few months ago. Crazy I know, but I think it's worth it. I just hope the DVD gets here soon. I bought it from a third party. Amazon Japan has been pretty good at delivering it asap. I'm quite happy with everything I've gotten so far. It's the anime nerd in me okay! It's rare I get obsessed about anything, so XP. Oh yes I recieved DVD3 2 weeks ago and the 2006 calendar. ^^; I partly blame Garten for my Hachikuro obsession. I also recieved all five volumes of Paradise Kiss, the anime that took Honey and Clover's spot this fall. I'm surprised at how much I actually like it.
Books. Okay, currently I'm reading Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden. And I've temporarily dropped reading Deception Point by Dan Brown since I need to finish reading Memoirs first since I borrowed it.
I will refrain from giving a full review as I am only half-way through the book. I've heard so much hype about this book. Even the person I borrowed this from raves about it. It's actually her favorite book. She's had several of her friends borrow it. It's even reached friends of friends backpacking in Europe and Spain. So this book--the one that is in my current posession--has been all around the world. The book itself is definitely had it's share of adventures.
Regarding the content of the book, I find it somewhat disturbing that a white middle aged man wrote a fictional story through the eyes of a Japanese Geisha of the early 20th century. I'm sure he's done his share of research. Arthur Golden did a decent job, but it hasn't blown me away, not enough for me to fully believe the stories. I watch so much anime and read so much manga and watch japanese dramas that it seems a tad trying (I realize that these are hardly accurate portrayals of Japanese culture, especially that of the ages back then, however there are bits and pieces of truth lying between each. You can get somewhat of a feel of how they are while extracting the sensational from real life). Some of the things he writes or claims--especially the dialogues between the geisha and other japanese characters--seem unnatural. I just maybe mistaken on the authenticity since he may as well be trying to appeal and reach out to Western audicence that knows little about Japanese culture.
I just may be a little nit picky about this, but it bugs me. If I didn't know any better, however, the book has been entertaining enough. If the story keeps on going the way it is, I already know how it will end. Three words "Tuesdays With Morrie" I'll keep you guys posted.
Feeling: Cold
Listening to: Something Corporate - North (2003)
il.lu.sion (i-loo-zhen) n.
- An erroneous perception of reality.
- An erroneous concept or belief.
- The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief.
- Something, such as a fantastic plan or desire, that causes an erroneous belief or perception
-Note: reference dictionary.com
I'm aware that I have yet to fulfill my promise to post about the weekend of October 22-23, but as the weeks have progressed, I've become too lazy to get to do it at this point, especially as other things are happening. I'll eventually do a back post. Don't worry.
As research at the lab has progressed, I've been responsible for studying another group of students from another district. Although I've purposely avoided divulging identifyable information (or any at all) about our study (to respect the privacy of our participants), we are allowed to talk about it as long as we omit any possible identifiers.
I am feeling much better about grades and academic achievement of this current group. If I were to give a rough estimate of GPAs from this current school to the previous I would say this group is averaging in the 3.1 range whereas the previous would be at the 2.5 range. This is comprised of all the scores and (lowest and hightest) GPAs in that group. Quite distressing, however we must take into consider other factors such as the location of the schools, socioeconomic status, resources, and ethnic make up that may play significant roles into such discrepancies in performance. Based on stereotypes alone, it is easy to assume the composition of each school. Sadly these stereotypes do not exist without warrant.
Well enough of that for now. As a Psych major, I have to deal with thinking about this nearly every day. It makes me sad at times, but in my opinion knowing is better than ignorance. Knowing and learning can help you develop ways to help or fix a situation. Afterall, how can you help or fix something, when you don't even know what it is.
Lately I've been entering into my, once again, depressive states (though not as frequent or severe). It seems to come near the end of the year when everthing is due and all the major hollidays collide. On a collective level, I am very fortunate to say that I've done good with my friends, especially those I haven't seen in months or even years. My family and I have a really cool relationship despite the little things that may plague my social life, and I'm in decent health even though I can afford to lose 5 lbs. I'll just say the extra fat will help me keep warm =P. On a personal note, my life has gotten really weird. I know in my old blog (archived dA entry), I've mentioned how I can never have my cake and eat it too. Yes, at this point, there is always some kind of catch. My life will run so smoothly sans one protruding issue. No matter what, at any point in time, there will always be at least one thing that sticks out and refuses to let me sleep. Sometimes the issues change or even take turns, but the point is I have never had a time without worry. I suppose that is natural. Afterall, if you had nothing to stress over, wouldn't that freak you out? I think it would affect me. No stress can be a bad thing. I prefer the Yerkes-Dodson effect on stress myself. It's times of higher level stress (moderate or slightly higher level) that I perform better. My reasoning is that I would rather feel bad than feel nothing. At least I can feel.
The other day I had a conversation with one of my friends over coffee and tea. It's funny how that sounds so mature and college like. Then again we're both out of college, so that's an anachronism right there. Haha. Oh well. I miss having one on one talks without worrying about time. Just sitting there and taking it all in without worry. College was certainly a not a place to be worry free, but we did have our moments where midterms were over, papers were turned in and our projects and readings were all caught up and my friends and I could go out and walk around, check out the sites, have some boba and relax. I miss those times. In those moments, many things seem to come into perspective and people become a little more honest. You may even learn a bit or two about each other that may surprise you. I think that's why I've developed a penchant for bookstores and coffee shops. I am not a coffee drinker, but I love the smells and the feel of the place, especially during the fall and winter nights when it feels warm and cozy inside with a bit of Sinatra or Coltrane playing in the background. Now that's my idea of relaxation...
That time we talked about random things occasionally touching on family and past relationships, romantic and otherwise. It never ceases to amaze me how my gut feeling is usually right, and yet I tend to deny it all the time. My brain and my conscience always tried as much as possible to see the good in people and take their word for whatever they tell me. On rare occasion, I'll feel something contradictory. When that happens, usually something is up. If you pay close enough attention, you can figure it out anyway. Though at times I try to be blind to it. I'm sure many of you have done the same and refused to see the truth in what was already there.
At the age of 23, I think I've learned to know better and accept certain things that, being a bit younger wouldn't have allowed me to. I think I'm more ready now to take on greater responsibility. The problem is, will there be enough of an opportunity for me to express my voracity in realm of academia. For me, learning is like an addictive substance that I can't seem to stay away from for too long.
Oh yes, I nearly forgot to say that my father went back to the homeland to take care of his parents. My grandfather had an accident as they went on vacation the other week, so my dad had to fly over to tend to them and settle some legal matters else where. Not to worry, all is well with my grandparents and my father seems to be fairly happy returning home after being gone for a good length of time. He'll be back around Thanksgiving, so that's good. in the meantime, my family and I are trying to enjoy the quiet and absence of extra stress while my father is away. Oh I'd like to go crazy and stay out all day, but I woudln't really want to abuse my mom's understanding nature. If my dad says be home by 10, I can max it out to 11 or even 12 with my mom as long as I call and there is a reasonable explanation. She's cool like that. I love her to pieces =) Her birthday is comming up on November 11, Veterans day. She has work, but I still want to do something for her even though I gave her present way in advance. Maybe I'll bake a cake. Ah my mom's gonna be 46. Yep, she's still young and cool. In fact, she's cooler than me -_-; Ah how proud I am of my mom ^^.
Listening to: Heavier Things (2003) - John Mayer
Mood: Complacent
True Blue
I hoped it wouldn't happen, but deep inside I could feel it looming over. My boys lost this weekend and I feel like crying T_T. They took a stomping from Arizona, but you know what? People have their bad days and this was one of them. I'm still proud of our team. 8-1 is not a bad record at all, but after such a play, our rank went down. My main hope is that our crosstown rival loses to some second rate team. That would make me feel much better =PCheer up guys, it isn't the end of the world. All the more to be motivated and try harder. I know you all can do it =) Let's all look forward to another great tradition of Bruin pride and spirit...here's to the True Blue and Gold Go Bruins!
